33- Gratitude

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Silver pendant with faceted green stone
I'm not even sure where to begin, but I do feel like writing, so here goes. This has been such a whirlwind couple of weeks-- as everyone knows.
I've had a slight fever of around 100.7 for the last 11 days now... possibly longer, I have no idea. Two Thursdays ago, I felt particularly run down and thought to take my temperature. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn't have even occurred to me to do so, but, you know, nothing is normal right now. I have an inhaler, and although I haven't had to use it in over a year, I started needing it around that time too. I used it every day for 4 days and then it started getting even harder to breathe. I thought maybe using my inhaler was not great for me. (In the past, it's made things worse sometimes. Googling proved that's not uncommon.) I stopped using it for 2 days. Breathing got a little easier, and then it didn't. Talking too much or chasing after my son left me gasping for air. I've been wearing a mask, sanitizing as much as possible, and doing laundry non-stop. I started thinking maybe I was having panic attacks and was honestly relived for half a second. The next day, I was feeling much better. The following day, however, breathing was worse than it had ever been. Yesterday was particularly hard and scary. All the while, a consistent 100 or so temperature.
All this is to say I am so grateful for so many things.
  • I am feeling so much better today. My breathing is almost normal again!
  • I started making this pendant one day last week but was too wiped out to keep working on it. I had enough energy to finish it today.
  • Luca's father took him to a (secluded) beach yesterday afternoon so I could rest, and took him hiking today on his day off.
  • I am grateful that his job is considered essential so a paycheck is one less thing we have to worry about. (It does make me anxious knowing that he's out there every day collecting all kinds of germs to bring home and potentially spreading mine out into the world too. I so wish tests were easier to come by.)
  • I am grateful that he has no symptoms and glad that he's finally taking this pandemic seriously and taking whatever precautions he can not to make it worse.
  • I am beyond grateful that I've had a day and a half of rest! My symptoms are so mild, relatively, that I wonder how fast I could have been feeling better if I had been able to sleep past 5AM this past week!
  • I am grateful that we have food stocked in the fridge and a kitchen to cook in.
  • A couple mornings ago, the internet went out. I'm grateful it came back on within a few minutes and has been working ever since.
  • I am so grateful to have a washing machine in my apartment. I do not miss laundromats AT ALL, and I am especially thankful to be able to wash my clothes at home at a time like this. 
  • I am grateful to have a creative outlet that I can work on in isolation.
  • I am so grateful that my son is okay! <knock on wood> Last time he had a bad cold, we spent the night in the hospital. I am terrified we will end up back there and so glad all is well right now. 
  • I am grateful that my son's preschool has been so wonderfully proactive in all of this. We've been getting daily emails full of activity ideas, teachers reading stories, and morning zoom meetings with his class. They really have gone above and beyond in this unprecedented situation we're all in.

This list is not exhaustive. This is such a scary time filled with so much uncertainty. I am so incredibly appreciative of all that I have right now and all that I don't have to worry about. I feel so much empathy for those with more worries and problems than me and am overflowing with every single emotion right now. Seriously, I was so thankful yesterday that my grandmother, whom I miss and loved dearly, died so many years ago so I don't have to worry about her right now! Ugh, so many emotions. I hope that if you happen to be reading this, you are doing well today and have a long list of things to be grateful for too. Love love love. 

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